WTF? That’s a LOT of pressure,
no?
Before my so-called friend shared
those words of wisdom with me, I was worried about things like competing with
my neighbors for those precious few kindergarten spots at our local elementary
school, or having to quit my non-profit work and go back to management
consulting to pay for private school if we don’t get a spot.
Ha!
Now I’ve got some real worries,
like screwing up all my daughter’s future relationships by not being there for
her the one time she needs me most. That is truly the most terrifying thought I
have ever had. Ever.
I’m hastily reading “Touchpoints Birth to 3, your Child’s Emotional and
Behavioral Development” by Brazelton. This class is not going to be graded on a
curve.
67 days to go.
Look up Bryan Caplan... He has a book - ( http://www.amazon.com/Selfish-Reasons-Have-More-Kids/dp/046501867X/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top ) - but I was too lazy to read it so I just listened to him as a guest on Econtalk ( http://www.econtalk.org/archives/2011/05/caplan_on_paren.html ). Basic summary: genetics are incredibly powerful, so don't stress too much about your contribution. Do a good job, but don't freak out about it. You can't control everything, just don't screw 'em up by being an actual BAD parent.
ReplyDeleteHa! That's reassuring, I think can definitely not be be a BAD parent : )
DeleteSeriously, I was just stressing out about it again last week, and I had to remember: these kids have decent genes, good health & plenty of food, two loving parents, and all the access & opportunities of American upper-middle class life.
DeleteFor kids under 3, that really gives them PLENTY of room to have wonderful and successful lives. They'll be fine (barring other events that are outside my control anyhow).
I like the book Becoming the Parent You Want To Be, by Laura Davis and Janis Keyser. Instead of being proscriptive about how to do things according to the plan so you don't mess up, it starts out with 6 chapters about understanding your own values, optimism, making mistakes, valuing struggle and balancing needs. It helps you figure out what YOU think is important for kids, and then it helps you figure out how to model and teach those things, even if they weren't things you had in your own childhood. It is a gentle, loving book for parents, full of personal stories and encouragement for when you feel like you don't have all the answers. 3 kids in, and I still turn back to it over and over again.
ReplyDeleteI find the actual parenting advice is not useful until your child is around 1 year old, but the advice on building and becoming a family is priceless. I wish I had read it BEFORE we had any kids, when we had more time for the discussions it suggests.
I think you have to make peace with the answer that, Yes, you will mess them up some, because being messed up is human, and ALSO, you will equip them with phenomenal love and skills and self-understanding, so that when they need to get less messed up, they know how to start. For me, that's the job description--bring up kids who have good values, and know how to make good choices most of the time, kids who know how to love big, make mistakes and make them better, and who are strong within themselves and kind for all the right reasons.
I'd love to hear what other people think the job description/product of parenting is!
Thanks Patti, will definitely check out that book - really like the approach of having to think through what I as a parent is important and totally see how that would be great for co-parents to hash through before the critters get here : ). Btw, I LOVE the idea of crowd sourcing a parent job description! Gues what next week's daddybrief will be about....
ReplyDelete