"Nooo!" (Yara)
No surprise, she didn't want to take off the necklace.
"Why don't you want to take it off?" (me)
I asked, ready for an exchange that I could predictably steer from "because I want to wear it in the bathtub" (Yara), to "well, if you do that, the colors on your beads will go away, do you want the colors of your beads to go away?" (me), to "no" (Yara), to "well then you can take off your necklace, take a bath, and put the necklace back on after you finish your bath" (me), "OK" (Yara).
Boy was I in for a surprise.
"Because it makes me pretty" was her answer.
Panic! My head was spinning. How could this be?? Ju and I never (well, almost never) use the P word, in fact we rarely use the C word (cute), or even the B word (beautiful), and especially not to Yara to qualify her appearance. My heart sank. She's only three and the world had already convinced her she needed to be pretty.
"Well you know, your necklace doesn't make you pretty. You're already beautiful just the way you are" I managed to blurt out.
In retrospect, I may have been slightly over-reacting. But, I started paying attention. While Yara receives praise for trying something new, for not giving up, for sharing, etc. in the shelter of our home and at her Montessori school, the moment she steps into the world out there, 9 times our of 10, the first thing she hears is "you're so pretty" or some variant of that. Btw, you can quote that 9/10 as an official stat because I counted for at least 3 days.
Then I read this blog about How to talk to girls. 15% of girls under 12 years in the U.S. now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick, and 25% of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Yikes.
So next time you see a little girl, don't tell her she's pretty. Ask her what she's doing, where she's going, what she likes.
As for me, I'm busy brainwashing Yara with songs of gravity and friction.
37 months in!
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